It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
