It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
