Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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