I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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