he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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