I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
