woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
