Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
