I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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