Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize