Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize