Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
