Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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