okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
