remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
