I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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