So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
someone owes me an orgasm
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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