my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
be right there i have to get my cape
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
