Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
