By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
