when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
