I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
