It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
