i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cockslap morals
only if we run a train.
done.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize