if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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