i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
