well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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