Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
