We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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