I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
