so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
