It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
