People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
