Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
