I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize