there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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