I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
