his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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