you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love having hate sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
