So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
