Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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