What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize