He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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