just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
