i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
