dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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