Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
