She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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