erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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