i will never coherently bang her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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