My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
