is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im holly from the hills drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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