And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
