MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
