Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
