Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
