So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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