dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
