I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
