Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize