jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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