So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want a musical about memes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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