Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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