Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
