he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
