Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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