whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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