The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
