That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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