i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
