she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But theres a keg here and me gusta
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
