in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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