So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
