You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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