thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
