My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
