i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dicks are not precious.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
