considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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