I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
