Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I believe in your delicious
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
