cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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