When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
