checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
vagina is talking i cant
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
