Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
