I hate all girls vehemently.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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