the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
