I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
