Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
