Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
