Your dad touched me again.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
