Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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