remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
