1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
