I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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