I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
