this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize