I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
