some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
