This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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