The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone threw a dead crab at me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
