By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
