I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize