I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
