Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize