My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
