i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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