So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
